More or less, Love!

Credits: Matthew Skinner

It was October and the night skies were sombre and starless. October month really fascinated him. The monsoon had eased and the festive season was in full swing with the temperature dropping at nights. Though the sky was dark, the streets were lighted with fancy lights.

He saw her sitting on a bench reading a book. She wasn’t actually reading the book but re-reading some of her favourite lines from a book she had already completed. That was the free time activity she savoured. She was not a bibliophile, but she loved to read. Mostly fiction. And whenever she reads a book, she would highlight or underline the words, phrases and sentences she liked. She believed that writers are pretty talented; they have the power to drive us through their words. And some writers have a way of telling her what she is feeling even before she could feel.

From distance, he could not see her face as it was covered by the book though he could see her hand holding the book. Her nails were painted with glossy black colour. She would occasionally paint her nails and the occasion would be: Being happy for no reason. Painting her nails was more than a fashion to her. She believed that her hands belonged to her more even though all parts of her body belong to her equally. She appreciated that she could see them whenever she wanted to without seeking any help from the mirror. And painting them would give her a sense of owning them.

He was here for her Birthday. He had promised himself that he would always be the first person to wish her on her Birthday. And the thing about promises is you ought to keep them, you cannot just make them. For the past 2 years, he had been wishing her first and he would always be; he thought. He believed that there should be at least one special day in one’s life where one would celebrate one’s existence. And can a day be better than a birthday?

He was standing around 200 meters away from her; she turned to her right and saw him looking at her and smiling. He wondered how does she always get to know that he is around. He approached her and hugged her.

Him: ( Curiously) Have you got some 6th sense like Jaya Bachchan?

Her: (In a confused voice) What!? Jaya Bachchan? 

Him: Arey, in "Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum" Jaya Bachchan's 6th sense, senses that yes, Sharukh has arrived even before seeing him actually and she runs towards the door. That sense.

Both of them laughed...

Her: No. I haven’t got any 6th or 7th sense. It is just one of my 5 senses. I can smell you. Your cologne is so dark and strong that anyone who knows you will find out that you are somewhere around.

Him: Hmmmm.....Fair enough.

And then there was a long pause. They enjoyed the view, the not so crowded streets and the fancy lights dancing all over the streets.

Her: (Hesitating) You don’t have to do this every year. I mean it's okay if we don’t get to see each other on Birthdays. We could have a phone call or a video call. Why do you take these much of efforts?

Him: Because you are worth putting these efforts. You are so special to me that I would never be able to express. 

Her: Wait wait wait....you just said something nice. I don't get to listen to such a nice word often. I am what!?

Him: (with a blush)Ummm…..Special.

Her: (Teasing him) One should not deny the simple pleasure of saying true things. 

Him: Yeah. Someday!

She held his cheeks and pulled them.

Her: You are so cute and beautiful…!

Him: For God’s sake please call me Handsome and not beautiful for once….

Her: No no….my darling' thou Beauty'!!!!!

Him: Okay…..we have around 29 minutes for Midnight. And there is something that I have been meaning to tell you.

Her: Shoot.

Him: Last week, I ran into my Ex. 

Her: Yes...so what's the big fuss about her. She is also a Human...

Him: And I realized that some part of me still loves her. I know I should not be thinking about her anymore. But I am helpless. I cannot forget all the good times we had. I cannot even forgive her for leaving me for whatever reasons. I am mad at her. I will be mad at her. But I still love her. It doesn’t mean that I am cheating on you. I love her but not in a romantic way. What I feel for you is something that I am scared to call ‘Love’. Are you getting me? Am sorry! Am I making things complicated for you?

Her: Shhhhhhhhhhh! No. You are not.

Him: Am sorry!

Her: Whatever you are feeling that is obvious. It is completely fine.  

Him: Am sorry. It is just that you need to know this.

Her: ( Curiously) Can you ‘Un-Love’ someone?

Him: What? Is that a word- 'Un-Love'?

Her: See, you can like someone, you can unlike whom you used to like or never liked. But what goes against Love?

Him: Hate! Of course.

Her: Maybe grammatically it does. But there is a difference between 'Un-Like' and 'Dislike'. Un-like is the opposite of Like. But Dislike is more of a negative. Similarly, Hate is more of a negative.

Him: You wordsmith!!

She folded her legs with her ankles resting over her thighs and turned towards him facing him. He always appreciated how gracefully she makes herself comfortable in his presence. 

Her: Do you know how long it takes for a radioactive element to decay COMPLETELY?

Him: (In an irritating tone) No, Please! Are you still into Chernobyl? For Netflix’s sake please watch some other series!

Her: No. No. It is not about Chernobyl. You answer first.

Him: (After a lot of thinking) Can’t say.

Her: Initially, the decay rate is fast. It is directly proportional to the mass of a radioactive element. But it takes years and years for a radioactive element to decay COMPLETELY. Somewhere closer to infinity. So maybe it never decays completely. And just like radioactive element Love never decays or dies. It remains permanently with us. 

And these feelings need energy. When you believe that you love someone; the energy level of feelings would be extremely high. When you think you no longer Love someone whom you used to Love, it is just because the energy level of your feelings is exceptionally low. But in reality, you still love that person and will always do.

And when you Love someone you should be confident enough to accept it and express it. It is such a thing of pride. There should not be any guilt, embarrassment or humility. You just love unconditionally. You cannot expect the other person to feel the same for you, or to be with you. It is all about acceptance. You should forgive her as well as yourself for being mad at her. And Love her unconditionally. Does it sound convincing or should I say something more?

He was left startled! He tried to process each and every word uttered by her. He wondered how unprecedented she could be. She is so genuine and always busy being herself that she does not even realize that how she fills his voids. Whenever she speaks, there is some glitter in her eyes and smile on her face. And he could not take his eyes off her.

Her: (She covered her face with her hands) Please don’t look at me that way. I am getting Goosebumps and my stomach is having a Ferris wheel ride already. And I have something more to say, please look away...

She trespassed through her fingers and found his almond-shaped alluring eyes still staring at her.

She forced his face to the other direction.

They blushed.

She: Chernobyl is one of the best series I have watched! 

Him: It is good. But you cannot watch it like 7 times in a row!!!!

Her: (Raising her brows) Whatever!

And then again there was a long pause. She wondered that all of the guys she had loved before, she still loves them. But not romantically. And now she is sitting before the guy whom she loves endlessly. Her love for him grows with each passing day.

Her: ( In a low mature voice) You know right.....that I know what you feel for me even if you don't say a word.

Him: (with a big smile) Yes, I know that you know.

Her: I Love you!

He hugged her and wished her " Happy Birthday"!!!

Him: I hope someday I will put down all my insecurities and give you the best of me.

Her: You are already giving the best of you. Moreover, I believe that you should embrace your insecurities. That is one of the many things I like about you. You should not belittle yourself because of your insecurities. It makes you 'You'. Unique and special. You know, insecurities are sexy!

Him: ( Laughing) Sexy? You are nuts!!!

Her: I even find your burps and farts sexy! And that's a long story am not going to explain it tonight.

Him: God! You are so weird! How can someone not fall in love with you!!!

Her: ( With an amusement) What What What???? Who is that someone you are referring to?

Him: (With a blush) That someone is a silly introvert guy sitting right before you.

She embraced him.

Her: I know! It is more or less, Love!

And then they enjoyed the rest of the night by Munching Parle-G biscuits dipping into chilled water. Eating Parle-G with tea/milk is great but with water, it becomes more delicious. And that's how their Birthday dates would go.

Picture Credits: Matthew Skinner (unsplash.com)